Run or Die Read online

  Copyright © 2013 by VeloPress

  Translation copyright © 2013 by Peter Bush

  First published as Córrer o Morir by Ara Llibres SCCL, copyright © 2011 by Kilian Jornet

  All rights reserved. Published in the United States of America by VeloPress, a division of Competitor Group, Inc.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or photocopy or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations within critical articles and reviews.

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  Distributed in the United States and Canada by Ingram Publisher Services

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the printed editor as follows:

  Jornet, Kilian, 1987–

  [Correr o morir. English]

  Run or die / Kilian Jornet.

  pages cm

  Translation of the author’s Correr o morir.

  ISBN 978-1-937715-09-0 (pbk.); ISBN 978-1-937716-35-6 (e-book)

  1. Jornet, Kilian, 1987– 2. Long-distance runners—Spain—Biography. 3. Skiers—Spain—Biography. 4. Mountain running. 5. Ski mountaineering. I. Title.

  GV1061.15.J675A313 2013

  796.42092—dc23

  [B]

  2013017508

  For information on purchasing VeloPress books, please call (800) 811-4210, ext. 2138, or visit www.velopress.com.

  Cover design by Oceana Garceau

  Cover photograph by Damien Rosso, droz-photo.com

  Back cover photograph by Jordi Saragossa

  Interior design and composition by Anita Koury

  Version 3.1

  To Núria, for showing me the way

  and lighting it when it gets dark

  CONTENTS

  The Skyrunner’s Manifesto

  1 | What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

  2 | Adrenaline Comes with a Number

  3 | It’s Not Only About Competing

  4 | The Windy City

  5 | Lakes, Rivers, and Rain

  6 | A Victory for the Senses

  7 | Running a Long Way to Find Yourself

  8 | We Celebrate a Peak When We’re Back Down

  9 | What I Think About When I Think About Running

  Acknowledgments

  Credits

  Photo Section

  About the Author

  THE SKYRUNNER’S MANIFESTO

  Kiss or kill. Besa o mata. Kiss glory or die in the attempt. Losing is death; winning is life. The fight is what decides the victory, the winner. How often have rage and pain made you cry? How often has exhaustion made you lose your memory, voice, common sense? And how often in this state have you exclaimed, with a broad smile on your face, “The final stage! Two more hours! Go, onward and upward! That pain only exists inside your head. Control it, destroy it, eliminate it, and keep on. Make your rivals suffer. Kill them.” I am selfish, right? Sport is selfish, because you must be selfish to know how to fight on while you suffer, to love solitude and hell. Stopping, coughing, feeling cold, not feeling your legs, feeling sick, vomiting, getting headaches, cuts, bleeding … can you think of anything better?

  The secret isn’t in your legs, but in your strength of mind. You need to go for a run when it is raining, windy, and snowing, when lightning sets trees on fire as you pass them, when snowflakes or hailstones strike your legs and body in the storm and make you weep, and in order to keep running, you have to wipe away the tears to see the stones, walls, or sky. The strength of mind to say no to hours of partying, to good grades, to a pretty girl, to the bedsheets against your face. To put your soul into it, going out into the rain until your legs bleed from the cuts when you slip on the mud and fall to the ground, and then get back on your feet and continue uphill until your legs cry out, “Enough!” and leave you marooned in a storm on the remotest peaks, until you die.

  Leggings soaked by snow, driven on by the wind that sticks to your face and freezes your sweat. Feeling the pressure from your legs, the weight of your body bearing down on the metatarsals in your toes, pressure that can shatter rocks, destroy planets, and move continents. Legs suspended in the air, gliding like an eagle, or running faster than a cheetah. Running downhill, slipping on the snow and mud before driving yourself on anew, and suddenly you are free to fly, to shout out in the heart of the mountain, with only the most intrepid rodents and birds hidden in their nests beneath the rocks as your confessors. Only they know your secrets, your fears. Because losing is death. And you should not die before you have given your all, have wept from the pain and the wounds. And you cannot surrender. You must fight on to the death. Because glory is the greatest, and you can either aspire to glory or fall by the wayside. You cannot simply not fight, not suffer, not die. … Now is the time to suffer, the time to fight, the time to win. Kiss or kill.

  Pinned on the door of an old flat, these were the words I read every morning before I went out training.

  I want to count lakes when I grow up. I want to be a counter of lakes!”

  The teacher turned around from the blackboard, where she was chalking up a list of the professions we wanted to enter when we grew up, and stared at me.

  “That’s right, a counter of lakes. But I don’t just want to count how many there are. I want to walk in the mountains, and when I find a lake, I will find out how deep it is by throwing in a stone attached to a piece of rope. I want to find out how long and wide it is. I want to find out if it has fish, frogs, or tadpoles. And if the water is clean or not.”

  The teacher looked even more taken aback, since that isn’t the job most 5-year-olds want, but I was really very determined. It was to be my destiny.

  Add to that the fact that I always, as long as I can remember, came back from every climb and hike with, at the very least, a stone from the peak or the highest point we reached—a custom I still keep. I collect all types and colors of stone: volcanic rock from Mount Kilimanjaro and the Garrotxa, granite from the Alps and the Pyrenees, ocher from Morocco and Cappadocia, blue stone from Erciyes, slate from Cerro Plata…. I think I must have been predestined to be a geologist or a geographer. Predestined to discover the secrets of the earth by searching for stones on every peak and in every cave, to explore its landscapes and reveal how the earth had been able to raise constructions as complex as sierras, with their mountains, valleys, and lakes, all of it working together perfectly, like a Swiss watch, and nothing or no one, not even the most powerful of men, able to stifle their rhythm and power.

  I think that occasion was one of the few when I have said, “I want to be.” I’ve always been the kind of person who prefers to say, “I’ll try.” I have always been shy and have always thought it best to let time go by, that in the end things will find their rightful place. And in the end, they have.

  I enjoyed a normal childhood. I spent my time out of school playing near my parents’ house by myself or with my sister or school friends. We played tag and hide-and-seek, built huts and fortresses, and transformed our space into imaginary scenes from films or comics. I have never been one to like being shut inside and was lucky that my parents lived in a mountain refuge, which my father managed, 6,500 feet above sea level, on the northern slopes of Cerdanya, between the mountain frontiers with France and Andorra. My playground was never a street or a backyard; it was the woods on Cap del Rec, the cross-country ski runs and peaks of Tossa Plana, the river Muga, and Port de Perafita pass. That was where I began to discover the fascinating world of nature.

  When we got home from school, we didn’t even take time to drop off our backpac
ks in the dining room because we immediately started climbing rocks or hanging off the branches of a tree in summer or leaping over snow-covered fields on cross-country skis in winter.

  Every evening before going to sleep, my sister, mother, and I would go out in our pajamas for a walk in the woods in the dark, without headlamps. We deliberately kept off paths, and thus when our eyes adapted to the dark and our ears to the silence, we were gradually able to hear how the woods breathed and to “see” the ground through our feet. We overrate our sense of sight, and when we lose it, we feel unprotected and exposed to the dangers in the world outside. But what danger can you encounter in the woods in the Pyrenees at night? The only natural predators—wolves and bears—have been few and far between for years. As for other animals, what danger is there if you walk by a fox or a hare, given that you are an animal 10 or 15 times its size? And what about the trees? Your ears learn to hear the wind rustling their leaves, and that is how you are able to see them. And the ground? Your feet tell you if there are branches, grass, mud, or water, if it goes up or down, or if there’s a sudden rush of water.

  And that’s how our time flew by, between games played near the refuge and weekend and holiday excursions. Whenever we had two or three free days, we made the most of them to explore a new mountain. When we were starting to walk, we climbed the peaks closest to home and then gradually sought out new, more distant adventures. By the age of 3 I had already climbed Tossa Plana, Perafita, and La Muga. By age 6 I had completed four Aneto summits, and at age 10 I crossed the Pyrenees in 42 days. However, on these excursions we never simply followed the footsteps of our parents. They took us to the top and were our guides, but we had to find the path, look for the signs, and understand why a path went this way and not that. We weren’t passive observers of what was happening around us. The mountain took on a broader meaning than the space where we usually played. It was terrain with a life of its own, and we had to get to know it so that we could explore it safely and anticipate the dangers. We had to adapt to the terrain where we were born. This was how our parents taught us to love the mountains: They made us feel like part of them. Because, in essence, mountains are like people: To love them, you must first get to know them, and when you do, you can tell when they are angry and when they are happy, how you should handle them, play with them, care for them when people hurt them, when it is better not to annoy them. But unlike any person, the mountains, nature, and the earth are much, much bigger than you are. You must never forget that you are a speck, a speck in space, within the infinite, and they can decide at any moment whether they want to erase that speck or not.

  When I was 8, I went on a trip that became etched in my memory, and one that I often remember when I am running.

  We took the train to A Coruña. The weather was cool, and although it wasn’t raining, it seemed likely that the first drops would fall at any moment. We took our bicycles off the train and started to pedal. I rode my mother’s mountain bike. It was very new, and although my feet barely reached the pedals, the brightly colored decorations on the spokes of both wheels meant that we were inseparable. My sister, Naila, was 7, and she had had her own bike for three years. Although the bike was still in perfect condition, Naila had grown over those years and now had to pedal very quickly to keep up speed. My mother rode an old Peugeot road bike with the gear change on the handlebars and carried a large backpack over the back wheel with everything the three of us might need on a week spent sleeping and pedaling in Galicia.

  We rode out to the south and made good progress with few problems and at a decent enough speed. I rode in front on that huge bike, Naila rode behind me pedaling frantically, and my mother drifted between us, making sure we were each okay.

  We rode to Santiago de Compostela in a drizzly mist that left us soaked for the whole day. On one of our stops, when she was looking at an ancient Michelin road map, my mother pointed to the white line along the side of the road and said, “Kilian, you must follow this line, and don’t leave it at any crossroads, since there will be a road that continues to the right. Okay?”

  I understood her perfectly and started pedaling, focusing on that white line on a bendy stretch of road, while my mother followed a long way behind with Naila. The crossroads started to come, cars overtook me on my right and left, and buses and trucks honked and roared at me. But I faithfully followed the signs and made sure I kept to the white line. All of a sudden I saw my mother running with her bicycle on the side of the road. She was shouting at me to get away from the middle of the road.

  “Kilian, what on earth do you think you’re doing? Get out of the middle of the road!”

  As a result of how the roads were painted, the line I was following led straight into the second lane of traffic on the main road going into Santiago. And I had clung to my mother’s words and hadn’t left it for an inch. I rode over to where my mother was standing, sweating from the effort she’d expended. She hugged me, then got started repairing the wheel that had been punctured when she was chasing after me.

  The next three days were a hard struggle against a fierce north wind. We followed the ups and downs of the coastal roads, with the wind constantly driving us back. Naila strained to ride uphill on her small bike as I galloped ahead at top speed, and my mother did her best to keep an eye on both of us. Nevertheless, we reached Cape Finisterre on an evening with light clouds and a cool breeze in time to see a beautiful sunset over the sea on the horizon.

  We had forgotten to take into account that the light would disappear quickly when the sun went down. As usual, we rode off as fast as we could, and all I had buzzing in my head was something my mother had said: “Stop at the campsite with green doors and two flags flying. Naila and I will catch up with you.”

  I started to pedal as quickly as my legs would allow and began to eat up the miles. On my right, the beaches started to disappear and were replaced by mountains. How strange. I thought the site was much nearer, I kept thinking as night fell and the road climbed higher and higher. I reached the mountain pass and began to ride down the other side. There were no lights in front or to my right and no sign pointing to a campsite farther on. I accelerated to get there faster. It started to get cold, and I felt sleepy. All of a sudden as I rounded a bend, a small red car overtook me and came to a halt. A small, tubby man got out of the driver’s door, shaking with laughter. My mother got out of the other door, still wearing her cycling shoes.

  “Didn’t you see the campsite?” she scolded me.

  “Hmm … no, I didn’t see any sign of it. I’ve seen only beaches and then mountains,” I said, thinking back to everything I’d seen since I’d started pedaling.

  “And on your left?” she asked, looking at me incredulously.

  I felt so stupid. There’d been a 50 percent chance that the campsite would be on the left of the road, but that had never struck me. I smiled, laughing at myself, and climbed into the car belonging to the owner of the campsite, who drove us to the tent where Naila was cooking dinner.

  In the morning we got up early in order to reach A Coruña in the afternoon. This time we set off together to avoid more mishaps, but on the last climb before we reached the city, my mother’s bike decided that it had had enough, that it had fought too many battles, and its chain and gears jammed. As we hadn’t included any tools for bike repair in our backpack, we had to go to a small village shop to buy oil.

  After several attempts, moving everything we could with our hands, we managed to sort the chain out, but the bike was left with a fixed wheel. Unless she wanted her legs to look like they were powering a dryer on express cycle, she had to put them on her handlebars when we went downhill. Naila and I rode behind her to ensure there was no accident.

  We stayed overnight in a small hotel in the city center and the following morning got up early to catch the train. At the start of our journey we had had problems transporting our bikes, so this time we wrapped them up at the hotel. We didn’t have any large bags or cardboard boxes, so we had t
o put them in our sleeping bags. The only snag with this well-rehearsed solution was the question of how were we going to transport them to the station, since my sister and I were unable to carry parcels that were bigger than we were. We decided on the following method: I accompanied my mother halfway with one bike. She went back for the other bike and in two trips got the bike and Naila. We then repeated the process from the city center to the train station.

  Our honesty prevented my sister and me from earning our first wage that day. When people walked past us and saw a boy or girl alone, face exhausted after so many days of hard toil, clothes dirty with oil from bike chains, sitting next to a large sleeping bag, they felt sorry and offered us money so that we could buy food. We stared at them in amazement, not understanding what made them think we were hungry, as we had eaten breakfast only a few hours before. Naturally, we refused their money.

  We finally reached the train station, where, on the inspector’s orders, we had to remove the bikes from our sleeping bags and stay by the door area and move them from right to left so that people could get in and out at each station. After a few hours a female conductor took pity on us and let us put our bikes in the room where they stored train equipment, and then we managed to sleep until we arrived home.

  Our excursions went from games to activities and then to sport. Competition came onto the scene when I started high school and enrolled at the Center for Mountain Skiing Skills to use up some of my excess energy. Training began, with races here, there, and everywhere—first across the Pyrenees and later on throughout Europe. My first race results brought with them the desire to do better. Helped by Maite Hernández, Jordi Canals, and the whole team at the center, as well as by my mother, who drove me everywhere to train in the early morning before going to school, it seemed that I had started on my career and that my most important successes must still lie ahead, even though I had won everything at the junior level.

  But life always places obstacles in our way. December 22, 2006, was the morning after winning what was at that time my goal in life, the Agustí Roca, for the first time. As I was going home from school, I jumped from one road to another as I had done so often before, but this time my feet didn’t coordinate and I crashed to the ground. I felt a searing pain in my left knee and right hand.